Tailgaters and Space Bubbles

They’re everywhere. And I’m not just talking about drivers. I am talking about…

…the person that breathes down your neck in line at Safeway

My response: whipping my hair or big purse backwards so that said grocery-store-tailgater gets my hair in their face, (or chest, let’s face it, I’m only 5′) or my purse whacks them in the arm. If that doesn’t send a clear message, I proceed to Plan B: turn around a few times to stare at the tailgater with a blank face. It’s awkward, yes, but that usually creeps the tailgater out and does the trick.

…the person in the elevator that stands too close, even when there’s only one other person in there

My response: refer to grocery-store-tailgater response above.

…the person at the mall that walks so close behind you that you wish you had blinkers to signal an upcoming “turn” into a store

My response: I come to a complete stop. Sometimes I get “rear-ended” and it’s uncomfortable, but it does embarrass the person that rear ended me. Literally.

…the person at Costco whose cart is menacingly close to your heels

My response: I don’t mess with Costco people on a mission. If you really are THAT hungry that you need to run to the nearest sample table, I will get out of your way. I “pull over” to another aisle and wait for the tailgater to go. It’s just not worth it people! However, if you have….

…the person in line at Costco that gets so close to you, that she rams your butt with her car

My response: (true story) yell “owwwww! excuuuuuse you!!” really loudly to call attention. When the offender says “sorreeeeeee”…my response “you’re not sorry! You ran your cart into my butt, you jerk!” In this situation, the lady moved to another line. Hopefully, this never happens to you, it really does hurt.

Bottom line- you deserve to have a space bubble! See below for a last resort approach. 

Diary of an ESL Kid

I will start by saying that I am a very proud daughter of the two hardest working people I have ever known- my parents. I am in no way ashamed of my roots and I’m grateful that my parents taught me to speak Spanish. Good, got my disclaimer out of the way…let’s get into a couple stories that will hopefully make you laugh a little.

The first story takes place in Kindergarten. This right here was my first encounter with a classroom full of English speaking children and a teacher that assumed I was stupid. On my first day, I shyly walked into my class and looked up at the alphabet that wrapped around the top of the wall…and I immediately began to worry. How the hell was I going to memorize ALL that? I managed to pick up some English, but I was no dummy. I became entrenched in kinder drama (oh yea, THAT early in life)…and became the girl that the other girls wanted to play with. I was popular, I was a cutie, and who cares if I didn’t speak English??! I’d have enough time to impress people with my brain, but kinder was a time for me to begin my social life. (Priorities.)

As you may know, I have a beautiful little sister that tolerated waaaaay too much of my brattiness. Examples? Don’t mind if I do. I was probably in probably ten years old (going on 18), so my sister was 4…not sure if the ages are right, but we were young. Anyhow, my mom told me to play with my sister, so I begrudgingly went upstairs to play barbies with her. This is where we ran into a problem.

See, I was older, so I now knew English, while my sister was still very little and only knew Spanish. What does that have to do with barbies?

My barbies were white and they didn’t speak Spanish. My sister became upset with me (understandably, because this really wasn’t the right time for me to practice my English). My sister ran down the stairs crying with me at her heels, already claiming innocence “I didn’t do anything! Gawsh!!!”

When my mom asked her what was wrong, she said, “Cindy doesn’t want her barbies to speak Spanish!” My parents politely asked me to speak Spanish with her so that she would understand me. At this point, I should have just agreed, but you know what I said? “Well it’s not MY fault that she doesn’t speak English!” And as soon as the words left my lips, I knew I was in trouble.

My parents exchanged “the look” and I tried to run away, but my dad caught up to me and smacked my behind. In typical form, I ran to my room and slammed my door shut. Now, we laugh about it, but it was so messed up for my little sister. Sorry sis! You know I love you!

Awkward much?

I get mixed reviews of my personality…I definitely think I’d get at least 4.5 stars on Yelp because, well…haters are going to hate. One of the adjectives I would use is shy. I know, I know, some of you are reading this and shaking your head conjuring examples that would prove otherwise. I’m going to give you examples of me being shy, and instances where shyness converts to full-blown embarrassing awkwardness.

At the store:

Me: Thank you!

Cashier: You too, have a nice day!

Me: You…you too! Thank you….[pause]…again. Ok bye!

On the phone:

Caller: Hello, how are you?

Me: I’m doing well, thank you, how are you?

Caller: Good, thanks.

Me: So how are you? [pause- “did I REALLY just ask AGAIN?? oops!”]

Getting a friendly compliment:

Complimenter: Hey Cindy, you look great today!

Me: Thank you, I bought these for such a good price. I love going to Nordstrom Rack. Have you gone? They have great deals. I go to the one in San Francisco, it’s the best one. {4.5 awkward minutes of rambling later} So, how’s your mom?

Holding the door:

Me: [Oh look, there’s a person walking 30 feet behind me. I’ll hold the door for her.]

Stranger awkwardly speed walks to the door avoiding eye contact with me.

Stranger: Thank you.

Me: Thanks! [of God Cindy! It’s you’re welcome! sheesh!]

Lessons for an ESL Kid:

Person #1: He’s getting long in the tooth

Me: Yea. I agree [Ew, is that a medical condition?]

Or

Person #2: It’s just water under the bridge at this point

Me: Yea. I agree [I’m gonna google that]

Or:

Person #3: Ace in the hole!

Me: Mmmhmmm. [what?]

If I had a shell to crawl into for some of these situations, I would {first, add wheels to it} shrink into it and discreetly roll away.

For the Easily Offended.

If you find that you are easily offended by my thoughts and opinions, please don’t read my blog. Thanks! xoxo

Who’s Dog?

Our puppy, Ms. Leah is VERY popular. She is also very friendly, so we’re used to people stopping us on walks to pet her. I’m actually kind of put off if someone looks at her and keeps walking. (Are you dead inside? Have you no soul?!)

Anyhow, the other day, we were walking Leah in downtown Walnut Creek and these two guys on a bench asked what breed she is. We said “Weimeraner” and they nodded and said “oh yea, like Hitler’s dog. Hitler had one of these.”

As we walked away, I turned to Ivan and said “really? did he just say Hitler?”, and we proceeded to Google it. It was such a weird comment, I didn’t know what else to do but to edu-macate myself. Turns out that he used Weimeraners as work dogs. Hardly what I would consider the way to treat a pet. He had a German Shepherd named Blondi. And yes, I googled “Hitler’s dog” and “did Hitler have a Weimeraner?” so many times that I’m shocked that the help desk hasn’t blocked my access to Google.

So there.  {sticking my tongue out at random dude with the random comment}

Or better yet, here’s Leah doing it:

Customer Service Woes

Acura of Concord, this one’s for you!

My sister, husband and I headed to a couple dealers this weekend to shop for a new car. We found the right car, the perfect color, and the interior she was looking for. They even had the car in stock.  Is she driving it now? No. Here’s why.

When we arrived, an unapproachable looking dude greeted us from the door (we were outside looking at the RDX and MDX). He then went back inside. He didn’t approach us until my husband went inside to ask for help. When he did come outside, he was very short, unfriendly, and barely provided information about the vehicles. We asked him if my sister could test drive and he said yes. (Pssssst….if you’re trying to sell a car, YOU approach US and YOU offer to take us on a test drive).

We pushed our dislike for him aside, knowing that in the end, my sister just wanted a car. When we returned to the dealer, he took us to his desk and immediately tried to get my sister to give him her social. That is not only unnecessary- but it seemed strange that he would want that information upfront. Perhaps he didn’t think we could afford an Acura? Weird, I own a TL.

Anyhow,  we asked for numbers, he gave us a figure and we said we’d think about it. He asked what number my sister would accept and we gave it to him. He immediately said no, so we left. Prior to us leaving, he expressed how p*ssed off he feels that management offers such great deals to customers just to reach end of month sales. He also said that the offer he gave us was exceptional, and that if we went to another dealer on Monday, they would “throw it in your face.” Um, no sir- someone throws something in our face and we’ll have more to discuss than the sale of a car.

We left his desk, and once we were back outside, he ran out and offered a better deal. We reluctantly went back inside (it really was a good deal) with him and he brought the car my sister wanted.

He sat down with us and started the paperwork. My husband asked him a question about his offer, and he immediately raised his voice at him and started spewing out the number of dealerships Acura has nationwide (?) I was amazed, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My husband said “please just relax, we’re buying the car, we just have questions” and he responded, “what do you want? you want me to kneel down to you?!”
My jaw dropped, and I collected my things and we left. This would have been a good time for him to apologize, but he did not. It would also be nice for him to call my sister with an apology, but noooooo.

This man lost a sale because of his nasty attitude. I’m glad I was able to keep my composure. We left like civilized people, with the guy still yelling at us. Unbelievable!

Sorry sis, it wasn’t your day to buy that car. Maybe next week? Another day, another dealership…